Did you ever stop to think of the many ways that people express their love to one another? People show their love to one another in five principal ways called “love languages.” To enrich your relationship, a good plan would be to find out your love language, as well as the language of your partner.
Have you ever had your partner tell you that she just does not feel loved? The thought process that goes through your head in that statement is “Of course I love you! How could you say such a thing?” But if you look carefully, your partner is not accusing you of not loving her, but she is saying that she does not feel loved.
Amazingly, two people can live together and be trying with all their hearts to express their love to one another, yet still somehow feel like they are not connecting. One huge hurdle that many couples do not fully comprehend is that people communicate love in different ways. One reason that couples struggle to connect is that the two of them are “speaking” different love language types.
1. Acts of Service
Some people need to express their love by acts of service. These are the people who cook for their partner, wash her car, or clean the house to show love.
These people need their loved ones to express love by doing things for them. They will only understand the love that is expressed by doing something special, just for them. However, these jobs must be done with a spirit of love and joy, not reluctance, for this type of person to feel truly loved.
2. Physical Touch
A person whose love language type is physical touch desperately needs physical affection to feel loved. Physical affection is not necessarily sexual touching. People whose love language is physical touch need plenty of hand holding, hugs, or back rubs.
If your partner is always playing with your hair, reaching for your hand, or touching you lightly, the chances are good that her love language could be physical contact.
A person whose love language is gifted needs his partner to remember special occasions with a special gift. These people do not necessarily think that the amount of money spent on a gift makes it more unique. They just want their partner to put some thought into a gift and make it perfect.
If your partner always brings gifts to those she loves, taking the time to choose the perfect item to express her feelings, her love language might be gifts.
4. Quality Time
Other people crave one-on-one time with those that they love. These people will value lingering over a cup of coffee with you more than an expensive gift or chores you do for them. People whose love language type is quality time need your undivided attention for an extended amount of time.
Quality time must be uninterrupted, focused time for just the two of you. If your partner is regularly begging for your day, even if it is just a walk around the block, his love language may be quality time.
5. Affirming Words
Some people need to know exactly how much you appreciate them to feel loved. These people do not care whether you tell them of your love or simply send a regular e-mail or card expressing it. They simply need to have your feelings put into words.
People whose love language is affirming words are those who are always saying, “I love you.” These people are the ones to write you a special note or tell you why they appreciate you.
How to Find Out Your Love Language.
Sometimes, figuring out your love language and that of your partner can be difficult. Asking some of these questions might help:
What do I value most: gifts, touch, service, words, or time?
What would hurt most if I didn’t receive it?
What thing that I was not doing hurt my partner the most?
How do I show my love to others?
What is my partner always doing for others to express love?
Once you know your love language and that of your spouse, consider ways to express your love using his or her particular love language. Keep in mind that just because you value acts of service, your partner may not see vacuuming the whole house as a law of love. He may appreciate it, but he needs you to express love with his love language.
Study your partner and find out unique ways to speak to her through her love language. She might like the expensive diamond ring, but if she’s been talking for months about a Kitchen-Aid mixer, she will likely find the mixer more meaningful. Buying the gift that follows her interests and desires shows that you want to purchase a gift that is special to her.
If your partner needs quality time to feel loved, set up a regular date night and prioritize it in the same way you would give priority to a work appointment. He will feel loved because you put his needs before the kids’ science projects or house cleaning. It does not even have to be an expensive date since he will simply be glad to have coffee with you on a regular basis.
If you learn that your partner’s love language is physical touch, make it a habit of touching her (non-sexually) every day. Set up a counting system until you get in the habit. Make it a daily goal to reach her twenty times or more each day tenderly.
Remember that using your partner’s love language does not exempt you from ever using another love language to express your love. But by speaking your partner’s primary love language, you will be able to show your love so that he can understand exactly how you feel about him.
By the way, I hope you’re enjoying the love tips! 🙂