Dealing With Conflict at Your Childs Wedding - For most of us, a child's wedding is the celebration of a lifetime. He or she is in love and on cloud 9, and everyone is all a-dither having fun with the wedding plans. At the same time, everybody's stress level is way up; expectations are high, and there are plenty of opportunities for conflict. You want this to be your child's special day, and you don't want the dispute to cause problems, so you need to know how to deal with the situations that can come up.
Here's how you deal with 99% of the wedding conflicts you will have with your child: back off. It's his or her day, the wedding couple is the center of attention, and they get to have things the way they want it. Your role is to support and help, shell out money, and smile. This time, you are serving them. If your feelings get hurt, talk to someone who is not involved with the wedding, but don't let it affect the marriage. As Dr. Phil says, choose to be the hero, and let it go.
A few conflicts must be dealt with; usually, this has to do with how much money mom and dDad will spend on the wedding. This is your decision, so set your budget and communicate it clearly and then hold to it. Allow the wedding couple to make changes in how the money is spent but not on how much money you will contribute. For instance, if you've agreed to pay 0 at the reception, and they decide they would rather use that money toward the honeymoon, let them but don't give them more money for dinner. Communicate your limits clearly, but with kindness and grace, and refuse to argue about it after that.
Your Spouse or Ex
Even if you're currently married to your child's another parent, and you're madly in love with him or her, the stress around a child's wedding provides fertile ground for conflict. You also have some normal developmental things to deal with that go with marrying off a child, such as loss losing a child, a role, a relationship, a stage of life. These will all be replaced with something better, but most of us still experience at least some degree of loss.
The best way to deal with these conflicts is to make your marriage, not your child's, your priority. Schedule extra time for you and your spouse to connect and do things together. Talk through your concerns and feelings. Nurture and support one another.
If you are not currently married to your child's another parent, then there's a potential for serious conflict, especially if you do not get along together. Anticipate and prepare for these problems, keeping in mind that your child's wedding, not your failed relationship, is the priority. The first step is to talk openly and honestly with your child and his/her partner about it. Do they want step-parents at the wedding? What part do they see each parent or step-parent playing? Do they have concerns about how you and your ex will act? Listen non-judgmentally and without being defensive, and ask them what they would like to see happen.
Give them as much of what they want as you can, and if they want things that you cannot give, respectfully tell them that. Don't explain or make the other parent a villain, just offer thoughtful suggestions. For instance, if your son wants you and your ex to sit together in the front row, and it's just more than you can manage, you might respectfully suggest that each of you sit at the end of the first row, with grandparents between you. As much as possible, though, put your feelings aside and do whatever it takes to make your child's wedding dinner. You may have to negotiate with your ex to make sure that your conflict doesn't make it into the wedding. You may even need a mediator to help you work things out. If that's what it takes, do it.
Your Future In-Laws
Honestly, most conflicts between the wedding couple's parents have to do with control issues. The groom's mother wants to do one thing, and the bride's mother wants something completely different. Most if these wedding conflicts are between the moms. There are several ways to deal with them:
* Remember whose wedding it is, and put the kid's interests first.
* Communicate. Go out for coffee and talk about it. You may find a way to compromise, or you may find that you're not so far apart on the issue after all.
* Be the hero. Be willing to lose for the sake of your child. It's just not worth winning if it adds stress to your child's wedding.
You want your child's wedding day to be perfect, but sometimes that's too much to ask. If you are willing to communicate, compromise, and most importantly put the wedding couple first, then the wedding will be everything they want it to be.
wedding planning idea
If you are using alcohol as a favor of marriage, you may also want to have a separate children's support.
Listen non-judgmentally and without being defensive, and ask them what they would like to see happen.
There are so many things to take care of; that you may even, you're running out of time. If you are planning your wedding, problems continue to appear. Also, remember to rent enough rooms for your guest's accommodation. Under such circumstances, use flowers that are in season as they are cheaper and also readily available. Keep the food simple.